"One of the best recoveries from this sort of surgery that we have ever seen" - My Spinal Nurse at the Walton Centre.
"You're in the top five percent of patient recoveries I have seen with this sort of complex nerve injuries over many years as a Physiotherapist" - My Physiotherapist at the Police Treatment Centre.
"You have lost the weight the size of an actual other human being" - A friend I made at my last gym after I lost the (over) 100lbs I put on.
I did these things. And I did them in the last 18 months. I have recovered from spinal injuries at four levels in my neck. I have gone back to work. My body is healing. I am not getting my old life back. No. I have re-built a better life than before. That is the first point I want to make.
Do not fixate on the you before injury. It is, of course, impossible and easier said than done. I know because I obsessed with it for so long. I remember at my illest, not long before my spinal surgery, weighing 17 stone, sat on my bed in tears, trying on dresses for a works awards ceremony I was about to attend. I should have felt proud of my achievement, some people never get nominated in their career, this was my second and yet I had never felt so low.
In that moment, I felt like my body was completely broken and cried to my Mum, "How can I ever get back to a place where my body isn't so broken?". I had no self belief left. I had absolutely nothing left to give. And I had never struggled with willpower or resilience in my life before.
My Mum believed in me, when I didn't. My Mum, as she does, just made a very simple but very powerful response. She doesn't always need to say much but when she does, it makes a difference.
"You will. I know you will".
Thank God she believed in me. Until I learnt to believe in myself again.
So before we start. I believe in you. You can overcome your injury. / You can achieve your goal that seems impossible. But I need you to do something. I need you to believe that. Even when it seems completely impossible. It is only ever impossible, if you think it is impossible. If you keep a glimmer of hope, a little flame of hope alive, no matter how small, then it is always possible.😊
I'm going to talk you through all of the things that got me to the stage I am at today in the hope it can help someone reading who is maybe going through a tough time. Maybe you can't see the wood for the trees or you feel lost or bogged down. This post is for anyone who thinks they hold a problem to themselves that noone else could possibly relate or help you solve it.
There is no obstacle so hard, you can't tackle it, take it from me.
When people are struggling to go on, I like to think of one of my favourite philosopher's quotes about how what stands in your way, becomes your way.
If you like that? Then read up on Stoicism and the practice of it. That will definitely help you, too.
I like "Meditations" by Marcus Aurelius. His perspectives on life are timeless and hold true today for so many of us.
Stoicism is basically a mindset and lifestyle where you exercise high moral standards and values, living a virtuous life, knowing that possessions are temporary, societal status is insignificant in the end. It is where you live with integrity, you accept fate and things that are not within your control and the feeling and knowing of peace and strength in the face of adversity.
This brings us to my first tip.
1. The obstacles become your path. That which stands in the way, becomes the way.
Whatever is blocking your path right now, now becomes your path. Don't see it as walking around obstacles, this tree or mountain in your path, is the path you must now take. Forget fair, life is unfair. No point in being upset about it. If it rains, we buy an umbrella or we get soaked. Start figuring out how to solve your problems and use the right tools to deal with it.
These points I'm going to share with you here, are in no particular order or priority. They all helped me. Take whatever you like or try whatever you like and I hope any of it is helpful, even if you don't want to try what worked for me. I hope it just reminds you that you can get through whatever you are facing or your injury. And let's be honest, a lot of recovering from injury is hugely mental, that is a thread throughout this post which I can't stress enough.💗
Speaking of which, onto my next pointer.
2. Accept where you are. Re-build on the foundations you've already worked hard for and build a-new.
What does this one mean?
Let's go back to that moment where I was crying before the works awards and feeling low. I accepted where I was. I accepted that I wasn't where I wanted to be and that I wouldn't spend too long in this place where I was really ill, really unwell, really painful, really overweight. I had no intention of staying too long in this place - mentally, physically or emotionally. I accepted I was there and I accept looking back that my body was so strong because it kept me going at that time when I was suffering so much. But I made a vow to myself that I would use the pain and heartbreak I felt at my situation to drive me to change it. And that nothing would stop me.
I remembered that I already had my lifelong foundations underneath everything still. I remembered that I was a national athlete so I physically had strength and mental reserves a lot of others might not and thought "tap into your strengths to get through this". Use your strengths to your advantage, figure out what you're good at and use those skills. They haven't gone away forever, they may be sleeping, but they're not gone and your body has muscle memory.
It is ok to grieve for what you have lost. Of course it is. Feel that heartbreak and upset. That's natural. But please please don't focus on going back to pre-injury or "how things were". No. You are re-building an even better, stronger, more resilient phase of your life and you are going to blossom. How can you focus on building the new, if you are obsessing with and mourning the past? The past that once each day happens, no longer exists. Every new day is a new chance for us to step closer towards our goals, so whatever choices you're making right now, figure out, are they taking you one step closer to recovering from your injury/ achieving your goal or are you making steps further away? Keep that mindset whatever you do and you'll walk the right path for recovery.
3. Sheer, unadulterated, unshakeable, naked and raw SELF BELIEF.
I think the largest, most crucial part of my success since my spinal operation has been my belief in myself. Unshakeable belief.
It didn't matter what anyone else thought (whether it was positive or negative), it didn't matter to me. Once I had decided that I was going to become better/ lose the weight/ become stronger, there was nothing that would stop me from achieving that.
I didn't need anyone else's approval to achieve my goals, I just figured out what I wanted to do, researched as much as I could about achieving them and then set about doing it. Doing the insane amount of hard work that it has taken to get here. Everyday. Even when it felt awful. Even when it was ugly. Even when I felt desperate and like I couldn't get there. I just kept going.
* Trigger warning - suicidal thoughts *
4. Go all in.
Throw everything at it. Make your recovery (or solving your life problem or achieving your goal, delete whichever appropriate) the most important thing in your life. Start being selfish and prioritising this.
I remember in 2015 when I was feeling suicidal again (I had felt suicidal a couple of times before this and tried to end my life when I was 16), I made a vow to myself. I would throw absolutely everything - all my efforts - into improving my mental health over the following two years and if I still wanted to end it then fair enough, I'd given it everything and I actually told my parents this (which I am sure was awful to hear). But that worked. I'm still here. Knowing my mental health may vary throughout my life but I know I can get through it again even if I feel like I want to die again.
Give your all. Even if you are so tired like I was at that time. Go through the motions even if your emotions make you not feel like getting out of bed. Please show up and try for you, anyway. Fake it until you make it - is a great saying for a reason!
5. Figure out your Support system and use them.
Another step that you probably can guess from my mention of my loved ones throughout the post, that without, I wouldn't be here. Figure out who and what your support system is and make sure you use them and let them help you, whatever help and support you need. And the help and support you need (more or less) may change as time goes on or your recovery changes. That's ok too. Whatever help you can take, take it!
It has taken a lot for me to get here. A lot of people.
Here are just some people who have helped and contributed so much to my success in all of their own ways. My parents. My brother. My best friend and her family. Their animals. Therapy dogs. My friends. My Consultant Neurosurgeon. My Spinal Nurse. Porters. My team of GPs. The spinal team for my surgery. The staff who completed all of my various scans over the years. Spinal Specialist Pain Therapists. The staff at the Police Treatment Centre. Other chronically ill patients, spinal patients, patients with chronic pain and their stories and experiences. The Nurse who ran the Pain Clinic at Work. The staff at the Pain Clinic I go to at a local Hospital. Physiotherapists I have had via the NHS. Personal Trainers. Nutritionists. Massage Therapists. Therapists running Meditations. Yoga teachers. Pilates teachers. My bosses. My colleagues. Department of Work and Pensions. And so many, many others.
I wrote this down because I wanted to give you an idea that my successes have never always been just me. It has taken a village.
6. If one treatment doesn't work, do not give up.
It took me ten years to even get my diagnosis of spinal injuries. For years, it wasn't investigated properly and wasn't found. Ten years I was in agony and not believed or taken seriously.
It took me years to figure out the right treatment for my mental illnesses (in my case, personally, I will be on medication for life and I have also had many different types of talking therapy over the years - the most effective for me personally was high-intensity cognitive behavioural therapy mixed with trauma therapy but there are so many out there).
Just because one way of trying to fix things doesn't work, it doesn't mean you should give up. It just means you haven't found what will work for you, personally, yet. And do not feel weak for asking for and accepting help - whether that be help from friends, family, a Doctor, medication, whatever it is.
Asking for help is one of the bravest acts you can ever do.💓💓💓
And don't ever be made to feel bad for asking for help (even by yourself/ your own beliefs/loved ones/colleagues).
7. Baby steps. Every day.
Rome wasn't built in a day. You can't just wake up one day and your injury is better. You must practice patience. Anything worth having doesn't come overnight, you don't need me to tell you that but I'll remind you anyway. Because you will have times you get so frustrated and angry at yourself or fed up. Or you will wonder, "why am I not seeing results?" or "what is the point?" and you will want to give up. Probably many times. I know I did.
But remind yourself in those difficult moments that the big results don't come from all-out, insane efforts once in a while. They mount up from the small efforts that are banked consistently, every day.
All you want to do is put one foot infront of the other, keep stepping forwards (even when you may go backwards sometimes) and focus on consistency and being 1% better everyday. And keep the faith!💖
I can save you all of research the time for your physical injuries guys.😂 I did all the research going before I set about on my recovery journey. Once I was able to after my spinal surgery, I went back to having massages (in my case, the hardest pressure possible because that works for me) and hot and cold therapy (saunas, infrared saunas, steam rooms, infrared light, snow caves, cryo therapy, cryo chambers, cold plunge pools etc).
I absolutely rate massages and hot and cold therapies and massages as crucial in my recovery and if you can do the hot and cold therapies together, even better!
My personal experiences have also been very positive with the following; compression boots, hyperbaric oxygen chambers, cryo surgery (cryotherapy on my shoulder specifically), PEMF mat, aromatherapy, mindfulness, meditation, jacuzzis, hydrotherapy, acupressure mats, sound baths, nature walks, yoga, pilates, pain clinics, group therapies, journalling, gratitude journalling, self-reflective practices, spa treatments and any experiences focused on relaxation.
I've also heard and would love to try - acupuncture - I've heard very positive experiences from word of mouth.
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I really hope this post helps someone, somewhere. And never ever give up on yourself!!!!
And remember, like my Mum did for me, I believe in you even if you don't believe in yourself right now. You can do this!
And remember - you will build up and be better than ever before!
Lots of love and healing,
Mairead xoxox
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