Hi guys! How are you?
Yeah I can't lie, it is tough coming back from my nerve pain struggles lately and my nerve block recovery. I can almost physically feel the fatigue that's built up in my body.
After going out to the theatre for a matinee show today I had to have a rest for a few hours before I got up the energy, or maybe lack thereof, to run.
I knew I was exhausted but drag myself out, I did. It was important I felt.
I have lost quite a bit of built up training, time and hard work really from the pain flare ups. I know it isn't my fault and it is honestly just one of those things, life does interfere with your hobbies, passions and fun. I haven't been able to do my allotment the last week either.
I really enjoy my active pursuits now so it has been tough building back up and I'm not even fully building back up I guess, I think I am more starting out again.
But if it is any comfort to any injured or ill people out there, don't fret. Your body honestly remembers the pent up work you've banked. It isn't entirely lost at all.
It will feel really really tough at times but you can build it back and even better than before and it is far easier than starting out from scratch.
I managed 6km tonight at a very easy pace. I am building my Base again. I have done a couple of intervals since being back but just simple fartleks such as 3 or 4 sets of 3 min running fast, 1 and a half min slow or walk, 2 min fast, 1 min rest, 1 min fast and 30 seconds slow and straight into the next set. They have been fun and I honestly feel like after the physical breaks from the pent up toll maybe on my body of all the runs the last few months and year or so, that break benefitted my body as I felt like that recovery helped supercharge my speed a bit.
I also think the pain flare ups and having breaks because of it has changed something mentally in running for me again. I love how I'm so deep into my lifelong running journey and I'm still learning and finding out things about myself too.
I think I got a bit more perspective again on my anxieties around running and wanting PBs so badly and wanting to push my body but not feeling "brave" enough mentally to really push myself and know that when I'm out of breath and pushing that the wheels aren't falling off even though I lack confidence a lot and don't think I can push myself so maybe I have backed off. I know my confidence definitely took hits earlier this year ironically after my 5k PB 26m 38s in March.
I ended up having a pull in my left calf (it happened during a fast stride not long after the PB) which plagued me a bit over the next two maybe three months and stopped me physically being able to push the harder paces. I also had to contend with my physical drop in pace which was unknowingly at the time from an iron deficiency so on a few fronts physically, I just wasn't where I imagined my body and performance to be, if that makes sense?
I definitely felt like it was holding me back or maybe even I was holding myself back and I had a mix of physical barriers and some confidence ones too and where does the real physical barrier start and your mental drive end?
So back to the major pain flare ups June onwards and majorly in July. I think the unwillingly enforced breaks in my running because of it, I gained some perspective. I almost feel like this is a special phenomenon that some of us experience in tough spots in life. It reminds you of the reality of how well you're doing for example and to let go of the bullshit subtle negatively you enforce on yourself when creeping doubts come in (not just in running but in life too. I've always said running is such a great metaphor for life.).
I could remember those almost mini mental attacks on myself during some races when my calf wasn't at it's best of, "You're not close enough to that PB. You're physically capable and you won't push yourself" and it felt good to have a reality check you know and recognise that at the time I was running in (the Port Sunlight 5k it was in June) a 5k where I was actually going really bloody fast. I wasn't far off my PB despite staying off the gas deliberately a little to protect my calf.
Yeah arguably I could have done without races in terms of recovery but I knew from researching the grades of pull, even though very sore at times and it did stop me pushing past a certain pace at the time, it was minor. I weighed it up and I love the Port Sunlight 5k and thought,
"I'm going to run it and enjoy it but not go too mad with my leg. Remember your limits" which was good advice as I managed to keep running and getting miles in the tank consistenrly even though I was actively letting the calf recover which thankfully it did.
But yeah, during these flare ups I think I just thought,
"Why the hell are you giving yourself such a hard time? Given the circumstances you're doing an amazing job! Look at where you are physically in your life compared to even a year ago when you were just returning to work and returning to running" or maybe I was returning more to plodding at that time 😉 but you know what I mean. It is so good sometimes to stop and look back and see you've actually come really far and done really well.
That gave me such a boost lately and it worked because I didn't experience the same nerves when really pushing my pace in a practice interval session at fast paces across 5k.
Today, yes, God, I physically heavy. I mean better than yesterday I felt like my legs were lead running round the field. It was hard work on another level I was just so fatigued and my body was carrying it. To be expected after a procedure like that.
I think if I have that nerve block again or even any procedure I know now to show it the respect it deserves in terms of recovery. I did with my op for sure but for this, beforehand, I way underestimated the toll it would take on my body.
Today's run was more like running in honey if yesterday was like swimming in sticky concrete. It was physically draining. On my schedule it was 6-8km easy and I knew when I started I just wanted to get to 6km and that was it. That was enough for me.
Motivation wise I have to be honest it has been hard to motivate myself. But I am acutely aware that the Great North Run is a matter of weeks away so any mileage I can get in after the recent disruption, it will all help so I've made myself get out the door.
I'm glad I have. Lying on my bed now before I go to sleep Wednesday night I feel really proud of myself. I think I'm going to try and do some work in my allotment tomorrow clearing all the overgrown weeds and just general greenery brambles and whatnot in my allotment courtesy of it's former owner, even if I don't do much, it'll still help my body get back into the swing of things. And closer to my daily routines pre-nerve block.
On my coaches running schedule, today is active recovery so an hour's walk or bike etc so the gardening will be a good recovery for me.
I don't know what you've got planned for your day. What have you got on?
Comment here or comment on my socials and let me know what you're getting up to. Let me know how you're feeling and if applicable, let me know how your running/fitness/walking is going.
Do you relate to any of what I've written?
If you do and you're coming back from or about to start from scratch on any personal, fitness or other goals, just remember, all you have to do is show up and just keep showing up.
Consistency is what gets you the win. Even if all those efforts are small.
For example, I am a couple of days away from a 200 day streak of learning my Dutch on my language learning app, Duolingo. I only do a lesson a day minimum and sometimes that's just one lesson which is a couple minutes long at best. I just keep showing up. That's the key.
Believe in yourself (as I've found, that's more important than you think), relax any fixed ideas or expectations you've placed on yourself and just keep showing up!
Love,
M x
❤️🩷
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